I love this so much! I want back all the time I wasted worrying about whether something would happen or not happen. You are 35 and even though it doesn't feel like it, (Society tells you you should be doing it already!) you are just now coming into your own, with maturity, some experience, a little trauma to make you real and empathic. It sounds like yoy are in a great place. It starts now, babe. Build on what you have and know that it gets easier and better as you get older. There is loss for sure. But there is always loss in life. But getting older is clarifying. Focus on building a life for yourself, take HRT when you start to feel off a few years from now, know that it's temporary and have as much fun as you can. xo
This was a beautiful essay. I cried a little. Your realization of the last third is one I have recently grasped in myself, too. It puts things in perspective, and I have noticed a change in my outlook.
I loved, "I show up and then spend a week trying to duct tape myself back together."
You always seem to write about what I struggle with too so thank you.. you have no idea how your words helped me tonight. I need to stop the worry because I’m missing the good. The joy, the gratitude and what is right in front of me. I was thinking of you and how the shower would hurt your heart but I’m glad you turned things into something manageable .. I will too . This is your time to shine.
Thank you so much - I love when my words can touch someone else. Reading other people's essays that seemed to be able to put words to feelings I couldn't quite describe (and that happened to be perfectly universal) was what inspired me to start writing personal essays.
I finally have a book and tea pairing to share… while perusing the large print book section of my local library (I’m done with the kindle I want to turn pages) a little Buddha on the cover of a book appeared. He was so cute and I judged the book by its title… so I am reading Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Murillo and pairing it with a lovely lavender camomile tea to stay calm… he also writes Golfing with God so that could be my next read if all goes well!!!
Thank you for sharing so beautifully and candidly. I so resonate with what you’re going through - albeit in a different way - and I’m realizing I don’t want to miss all the amazing things happening in my life right now. Thank you for this reminder
I'm so glad you could connect with it in some way! I find all these feelings are generally universal just applied differently. And I love that we can find a way to connect and speak the same language :)
Thank you for sharing these raw and vulnerable words. I can relate to so much of this, not in terms of pregnancy, which I have not struggled with, but other things I keep telling myself are in the way of finally one day exhaling, enjoying, feeling like I’ve arrived. As soon as these parts of my life are in order, as soon as I’ve checked these boxes, then I’ll be able to enjoy my life. And you’re so right, the living needs to happen now. These are the days and months and years. This very trite quote was circulating on social media awhile back that went something like “how would you be living now if you knew it would all work out?” And while that can feel like an oversimplification of really hard feelings on the hard days, sometimes I think about that and try to reframe my current reality through that lens. Sending love for today and so much hope for what’s to come. ♥️
Sophie - the waiting for the feeling of 'I've arrived' is so wild... and something I think is so prevalent in writing. It's wild how often I find my mind drifting in that direction... if only I get an agent, then a book deal, then a best seller will I feel like I've made it.
Re the social media quote - sometimes the trite quotes are the ones that hit hardest... because they're true. (but you know, sometimes they're just toxic positivity lol). I really like the one you mentioned, because I think it made me realize I would do nothing differently, I'd just see it differently.
Yes… the goal post keeps moving further, there is always a new destination to arrive at. It’s exhausting if we get caught up in it, and I’ve certainly stepped into that hamster wheel one too many times.
I love what you said, that you’d do the same thing, but see it differently. And I think I’m with you there. Not much about my life would be different, but maybe I’d take more deep breaths and allow myself to enjoy it more.
THE PRINCESS BRIDE! Great reference
an absolute classic. i immediately distrust anyone who doesn't like it
I love this so much! I want back all the time I wasted worrying about whether something would happen or not happen. You are 35 and even though it doesn't feel like it, (Society tells you you should be doing it already!) you are just now coming into your own, with maturity, some experience, a little trauma to make you real and empathic. It sounds like yoy are in a great place. It starts now, babe. Build on what you have and know that it gets easier and better as you get older. There is loss for sure. But there is always loss in life. But getting older is clarifying. Focus on building a life for yourself, take HRT when you start to feel off a few years from now, know that it's temporary and have as much fun as you can. xo
Thank you Kim! For reading, for engaging, and for your wonderful essay :)
This was a beautiful essay. I cried a little. Your realization of the last third is one I have recently grasped in myself, too. It puts things in perspective, and I have noticed a change in my outlook.
I loved, "I show up and then spend a week trying to duct tape myself back together."
It is where my emotions began bubbling up.
Ani! That means so much to me. Life is so weird and so emotional... but so good, too? I'm really glad you connect with these thoughts and words
You always seem to write about what I struggle with too so thank you.. you have no idea how your words helped me tonight. I need to stop the worry because I’m missing the good. The joy, the gratitude and what is right in front of me. I was thinking of you and how the shower would hurt your heart but I’m glad you turned things into something manageable .. I will too . This is your time to shine.
Thank you so much - I love when my words can touch someone else. Reading other people's essays that seemed to be able to put words to feelings I couldn't quite describe (and that happened to be perfectly universal) was what inspired me to start writing personal essays.
I finally have a book and tea pairing to share… while perusing the large print book section of my local library (I’m done with the kindle I want to turn pages) a little Buddha on the cover of a book appeared. He was so cute and I judged the book by its title… so I am reading Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Murillo and pairing it with a lovely lavender camomile tea to stay calm… he also writes Golfing with God so that could be my next read if all goes well!!!
"And I’ll remind myself—this is it. This is the life I don’t want to miss."
This is *chef's kiss*! And the key to unlocking well... everything.
Bravo
Welcome! The Door is open. Come as you are! I'm just here enjoying my life :) Thank you for being you Brett!
Thank you for sharing so beautifully and candidly. I so resonate with what you’re going through - albeit in a different way - and I’m realizing I don’t want to miss all the amazing things happening in my life right now. Thank you for this reminder
I'm so glad you could connect with it in some way! I find all these feelings are generally universal just applied differently. And I love that we can find a way to connect and speak the same language :)
Thank you for sharing these raw and vulnerable words. I can relate to so much of this, not in terms of pregnancy, which I have not struggled with, but other things I keep telling myself are in the way of finally one day exhaling, enjoying, feeling like I’ve arrived. As soon as these parts of my life are in order, as soon as I’ve checked these boxes, then I’ll be able to enjoy my life. And you’re so right, the living needs to happen now. These are the days and months and years. This very trite quote was circulating on social media awhile back that went something like “how would you be living now if you knew it would all work out?” And while that can feel like an oversimplification of really hard feelings on the hard days, sometimes I think about that and try to reframe my current reality through that lens. Sending love for today and so much hope for what’s to come. ♥️
Sophie - the waiting for the feeling of 'I've arrived' is so wild... and something I think is so prevalent in writing. It's wild how often I find my mind drifting in that direction... if only I get an agent, then a book deal, then a best seller will I feel like I've made it.
Re the social media quote - sometimes the trite quotes are the ones that hit hardest... because they're true. (but you know, sometimes they're just toxic positivity lol). I really like the one you mentioned, because I think it made me realize I would do nothing differently, I'd just see it differently.
Yes… the goal post keeps moving further, there is always a new destination to arrive at. It’s exhausting if we get caught up in it, and I’ve certainly stepped into that hamster wheel one too many times.
I love what you said, that you’d do the same thing, but see it differently. And I think I’m with you there. Not much about my life would be different, but maybe I’d take more deep breaths and allow myself to enjoy it more.